The Big D

and I don't mean Dallas. Today I am fasting to release negative emotions and get a fresh start and God is tugging on my arm and telling me that I need to write a post about divorce.  No, not my divorce.  Russ and I are hanging in there. :)  I have been thinking a lot about divorce lately, thanks to Tori Spelling's new show, True Tori.  It is raw, heart wrenching, poignant and it strikes me to my core.  Yeah, yeah, it is a reality show and maybe a little scripted?  Who cares, it serves its purpose.  They are struggling with real problems, real emotions and I sit glued to every minute.  Tori has also been blasted in the tabloids for sticking with Dean, even though he cheated.  Not only did he cheat, he is an alcoholic, drug addict and tried to commit suicide.  Yup, I would say that is pretty bad.  Why not just leave him?  Why not kick him to the curb?  Because she loves him and they have 4 beautiful children together?  Even though he broke his vows, she wants to follow through with hers.  Whatever happens with those two, I commend them for at least trying.  After my emotions were all stirred up from the show last night, I came across this facebook post, which made me think more about divorce, specifically Christian divorce.  We will call this person ST.

"Trying to be as compassionate as I can without hurting or offending anyone but speaking the truth. The new trend seems to be divorce because "God would want me to be happy" I was thinking and discussing this today and came to this conclusion. Never in the bible does God talk about your happiness being important. He says "find your joy in The Lord" So many people are leaving marriages these days because they are not happy. They're being mentally abused, they fell out of love, their husbands aren't cherishing them, their wives are crazy, we're incompatible. But let me ask you this, was Jesus happy dying a brutal death for us? Was Moses happy about leading his people through the wilderness? Was Noah happy building an arc while everyone talked about how crazy he was and mocked him and his family? Was Paul super happy while being prisoner for serving God? Was Daniel filled with happiness in the lions den? No!!!! If they quit on their commitment to God because "God would never want them to be unhappy" We wouldn't have a savior who died on the cross! Our sins would never be forgiven! God calls us to find our Joy in Him... In the struggle, in the pain, in the terrible low black times. He doesn't instruct us to flee! If you are thinking about quitting in your marriage because "you just aren't happy and God would want you to be happy" I beg you to think again! God's word gives us only ONE reason to divorce and that's adultery. No matter how unhappy you are... Sometimes he calls us to go through hard times so he can build us up! Pray for strength, pray for wisdom and understanding, pray for a softening of your heart towards your spouse, believe God can renew your marriage! Don't quit! Change something within YOURSELF, ask God to fix YOU! Believe your commitment to God to love your spouse, is a promise worth keeping to our savior who keeps all His promises to us!"

WOW! Of course there were the people that took offense to this, cause you automatically go into defense mode when you feel personally attacked.  This is specifically about Christian divorce, worldly divorce not included.  But when Christians divorce we are joining the world.  We have made it second nature, but we are called to be better, to seek the Lord for answers.  It is a million times worse when a Christian divorces, because they made their vows not only to the person they married, but to the Lord himself.  You aren't going to  be happy all the time, you weren't put here to live a perfect life.  I will go as far as to say you were put here to suffer, to desire a Heaven, to desire a Father in Heaven.  If life was peaches and cream, would we need a Savior???  Life is going to suck, we are to find peace in the Lord.  Walking out of a marriage, not fighting for a marriage is not what we are called to do.  You fell in love with this person and made a commitment to them.  It's going to be bumpy and there will be some days when you wake up and wish they would just go away, that is when you are to cling to the Lord.  He can change hearts.
I am guilty of passing judgment on a lady that chose to not seek divorce from her husband even though he was addicted to porn and walked out on her.  He was out doing God knows what and she was at home taking care of his 5 kids.  God restored their marriage and then it happened again and she is waiting, praying and hoping for her God to move.  I now realize that is what God wants us to do.  If we keep marrying people looking for happiness, we will never find it.  It doesn't matter how perfect this person is, how committed to the Lord they are, unhappiness will come and you need to learn how to ride it out and not flee. 
So you just got a divorce?  Should you remarry? I have heard many arguments for and against this.  I am not a biblical scholar, but death do us part seems to answer it for me. I also know that Jesus thought it was important enough to talk about it.  Now with all this said, I am in no way implying that you will go to hell for divorcing.  All I know is that we are not to be part of this world and hopping from one spouse to another is disrespectful and dangerous. The judgment around you will be nothing to that of the Lord.  
I don't have the answers, life is tough, life is rough, sometimes life just plain sucks. It is full of weeds that need to be plucked.  I do know that it is never too late to correct a mistake.  It is never too late to go back to your spouse, it is never too late to fight for your marriage.  God can change hearts.  With God all things are possible.  Everyone is on their own journey and just remember that life is about choices.  The choices you make will make or break you.  Going down the rough patch with sticker bushes will hurt you, scratch you, there will be pain, but the reward at the end is worth it.  The path filled with sunshine and rainbows looks nice and inviting, but only darkness waits for you at the end. 
 I'm not sure if I accomplished much with this post, but I feel free from the tugging of my heart.  I hope someone out there can benefit from it. 




**Since this blog is for my children and they will probably never listen to me when it is important I am going to add this paragraph in hopes that they will read it when they are searching for the one to spend their life with.
I know you guys will probably have heard these a million times by now, but it is very important that you find your forever spouse and do it in as little stepping stone relationships as possible. When choosing a spouse, it is best to find one with the least baggage and it is also important to enter relationships without baggage of your own. I know it is easy for me to say this, but it is the truth.  Baggage will always come back and smack you in the face.  If you have to hide or lie about your relationship, then it is wrong and you need to end it.  Always listen to the people around you, they are thinking more clear headed than you.  I know you don't want to hear it, but sometimes talking out others objections can resolve a lot.  Keep your friends and especially your family involved in the relationship.  Go on double dates with your Mom and Dad.  And tell your significant others that Mom loves dark chocolate, and not fruit filled. :)  .  As you get to know this person, let your mind wander to the future, if you can't see them there in the first few months, end the relationship. If at any time a red flag is raised, don't ignore it.  Know their sexual history, hence the baggage part.  Pregnancy isn't the only thing that can come from having sex. The most important is to find someone that can make you laugh, not just a hehehehe, I am talking a full gasping for air until you feel like you will pass out, your stomach hurts laughter. I could go on forever, but I trust you guys will make me proud with your choices.