Sucker Punch

I slept horribly last night.  Tossing, turning, waking often.  I would wake from a light sleep and then remember what happened and be overcome by complete sadness.  The Seahawks lost in one of the most heartbreaking games I have ever seen.  It's not really the loss that sucks, it is the way that they lost. It was a big sucker punch to the gut.  Add to that all the horrible news Russ and I have been getting the last couple of days and you are left with two very depressed people. February and March are already pretty sad times for me, with the pain of losing my sister and her birthday and death anniversary. We have been dealt quite a few blows. It feels like our foundation is crumbling and soon we will be at the bottom of the hill in one big debris pile. :(  The only hope I can hold on to is that in 63 days, the Mariners start playing.  Right now we can only take 1 day at a time and pray for the best outcome.
God has been preparing me for some of these crises, so it hasn't hit me so hard.  The old Autumn would be wrecked right now (cue Miley song) but the new Autumn is holding it together, for now. I have no other choice but to be strong for my husband.  That is not to say that I am not scared for what is to come. *sigh. I am trying to stay still as the ebb and flows of life toss us around. Just one word left to say: pray.

Press On

 2014 was a year of big transformation for me.  I became a stronger person.  I found my voice and I can say no. I am not a prisoner of others actions and thoughts.  As a result of this, I have stronger relationships and the relationship with myself is greatly improved.  My self esteem is slowly being restored. I will not go back.  I refuse to let people or emotions control me.  I am choosing to press on!

For 2015 I want:

More Love
More Fun
More Laughter
More Dancing
More Hugs
More Mariner wins
More thankfulness
Less anxiety
Less politics
Less selfish people
Less stress

I hope everyone has a great 2015! 


My theme song for this year:




Lyrics:

Sometimes this world starts breaking me down
I get so lost I think I’ll never be found
And there are moments of fear and doubt
Even the best fall to the ground

I am a mess, I am a wrecking ball
I must confess that I still don’t get it all
Lord I believe that all Your words are true
Doesn’t matter where I’m going if I’m going with You
I press on, I press on, I press on
When I still don’t get it

I see the world through my jaded eyes
I get frustrated when there is no Why
I put my focus on worthless things
Even the strong fall to their knees
God only knows what we all need

I am a mess, I am a wrecking ball

I must confess that I still don’t get it all
Lord I believe that all your words are true
Doesn’t matter where I’m going if I’m going with You
I press on, I press on, I press on
When I still don’t get it

Life goes on, life goes on
But Your love will prove
All I need, all I need
I will find in You
Life goes on, life goes on
But Your love will prove
All I need, all I need
I will find in You
I press on

I am a mess, I am a wrecking ball
I must confess that I still don’t get it all
Lord I believe that all Your words are true
Doesn’t matter where I’m going if I’m going with You
I press on, I press on
I press on, I press on
When I still don’t get it

Life goes on, life goes on
But Your love will prove
All I need, all I need
I will find in You
Life goes on, life goes on
But Your love will prove
All I need, all I need
I press on

Upgrading The Hardware

Our 10th wedding anniversary is on Thursday and Russ gave me my present a little early.

11 sparkling blue sapphires, just for me!  Just glancing at it gives me pure joy in my heart.  I am one blessed girl.  15 years together, 10 years of marriage, 4 kids, 1 dog and lots of memories later, I am still head over heels in love with Russ.  I wouldn't want to walk this journey on earth with anyone else.  I love you, Dude!

The Great Butter Mishap 2014

What happens when you don't listen to your husband?  You get mleted butter all over your phone and camera.  Yup, even though I double wrapped the rolls and the dab of butter in foil, it managed to leak all over my cell phone and camera.  It makes it worse when you husband kindly remininded you that it probably wouldn't be a good idea and you went ahead and did it anyway.  Oops! So after getting a gussied up, I have one butter smeared picture of the kids.  I managed to get a few shots of Russ and I before the mishap. 
We celebrated Thanksgiving at my Brothers with 2 of my cousins and my Aunt. It was small and low key and the kids had a blast with their cousins. I ended up making an entire gluten free meal for Russ and I.  It was nice to actually have stuffing! Eating copious amounts of food, getting baby girl cuddles in, followed by watching the Seahawks spank the Niners, made Thanksgiving awesome this year! 
Of course, we are back to reality, with a blown tire on the Subaru and grownup responsibilities, but it was fun to relax.  The kids were able to get their own plates of food this year and it was the first year I didn't feel like a balloon getting dressed.  I am thankful for my family and all the small things that the Lord has blessed us with.  I hope everyone had an amazing Thanksgiving, surrounded by the ones you love.

I pulled off some legging this year! I also bought that awesome sweater dress for 12 bucks!  Regular price 89.99.  It is super comfy and warm, perfect for me, just like my husband! :)

Add caption

Butter shot!

My Nephew, Tucker, who helped me clean up by licking the butter. :)

Checking the camera again, still butter smudged.

Halloween 2014

We went for the Captain America theme this year.  From left to right, Wyatt as Captain America, Landon as the Winter Solider, Aurora as Black Widow and Trevor as Falcon.

I sprayed red dye in her hair, but she has so much hair that one bottle was not enough.  Plus the dye smelled like chemicals, so we will opt for wigs in the future.

The picture didn't turn out, but this is Jason, the mass murderer.  He was standing in the street, with a hopefully fake machete, being all creepy. 

My Brother and I. This is probably the first picture of us together since my wedding 10 years ago!  Aren't we adorbs? We totally didn't mean to match either.  I absolutely love the photo bomb by Doc from Back To The Future!  Marty was around too! 

Halloween 2014 is in the books!  We took the kids to my Brother's neighborhood for some good ole' fashion trick or treating.  Those people don't mess around, most were handing out full size candy bars. The weather was perfect and dry!  While I absolutely love their costumes, not too many people knew who they were.  If you haven't seen the second Captain America, get on it!  It is an awesome movie with a good message. The kids had fun, the grown ups had fun, it was just fun.  I can honestly say this is the first year that I have enjoyed Halloween.  The kids are getting older and more independent.  While that makes me wonder where the time has gone, it also makes me feel less stressed.  Now on to Thanksgiving and Christmas!

We Have A Winner!

 http://jonesfamily123456.blogspot.com/2014/11/fess-up.html

My cousin called me on Tuesday and told me that she is having a baby girl!  She was having complications and bleeding episodes, so she was keeping it on the down low. My dreams really picked up over the weekend, this little baby girl was in them.  Come to find out that my cousin was at home all weekend, crying and praying for a miracle.  She was given the genetics testing, which I always opted out of and they told her one of her results was high and that baby might have neural defects.  Of course they tell her this on Friday and she can't be seen until Tuesday.  So she was a total wreck.  That explains the high intensity of the dreams over the weekend.  I think I feed off of emotions of those I am close to, even if I can't see them.  She had her appointment on Tuesday and had a special ultrasound and everything looks prefect!Praise the Lord!  She has 2 boys and a miscarriage in between, so a little girl is awesome!  This little girl could use your prayers, and her Mommy too.  My cousin is having extreme anxiety and has pretty much become a recluse during this pregnancy, scared she will miscarry. I can't wait to meet this little lady, though I already feel like I know her.

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday, I randomly started thinking about the things that make me squeeeeeeeeeeeee.  Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee is that wonderful squeal you let out when you see something that you just can't contain yourself.  It makes you turn into a complete fool, but you are so elated that you don't care.   I made a short list in my head and for fun I asked Russ, "What makes me squeeeeeeeeeee?"  I fully expected him to say, what the heck does that mean.  But he paused for a brief second and said, "Patrick Swayze, blue sapphires, Keanu Reeves and me."  Well, he just about got the entire list! 
I can't explain the squeeeee.  It just sort of escapes me and turns me into mush.  I am pretty good about hiding my squeeee around most people, but my husband and my kids have heard it, a lot. There is is just a chemical reaction in my brain when I see certain images or think of things in my head and I just have to let it out. It usually is accompanied by a high pitch voice and me not being able to form full sentences. It is a happiness overload.  It is pretty wonderful.

So for fun I present the things that make me squeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! 

1. Patrick Swayze
I honestly don't find him physically attractive.  I think it is more of the memories he rustles up and the love he shared for his wife.  I am totally squeeeeing right now.  When I think of Patrick I think of Dirty Dancing, and then I think of Point Break and then I think of how he is gone. :(  He had such potential and would still be making movies that would entertain me if that damn cancer didn't take him.

2. The color blue.  Anything blue, especially royal blue, makes me happy.  If you have ever been to our house you might have noticed that all 3 bedrooms are a shade of blue and the bathroom too. When I was younger I painted my own room sky blue.  My wedding colors were royal blue and silver, which totally makes me squeeeee when I think about it.  I plan on renewing my wedding vows in a royal blue dress, very soon. It has been quite the coincidence that the Mariners and the Seahawks have blue in their team colors, makes me like them even more. We have one blue car and one silver car and I love to just look at the colors together. I am not sure where my love of blue comes from, but it has been as long as I can remember. While I was totally disappointed that the Mariners didn't make the playoffs by one freaking game, it was quite enjoyable watching the Royals play.  Their fans had all shades of blue on and it just made me happy.  I am also one of those people that voted numerous times for M&M to make blue ones. I was ecstatic that blue won!

3.  Penguins!  Any kind of penguin will do, but the chubby, baby penguins get the biggest reaction. A couple of years ago someone stole a baby penguin from a zoo, they never found the poor thing, but I totally think it was a guy getting it for his woman so she would squeeee.  Happy Feet, March Of The Penguins, all make me squeeeee. We have a Christmas Penguin that comes out every year and I totally squeeee every year.  We used to have penguin Christmas bathroom rugs but those have been ruined by the kids, but I totally sqeeed every time I was in the bathroom. I found out I was pregnant with our first child on our year anniversary and we were at the beach celebrating. We went to the aquarium and I bought a baby seal and a baby penguin stuffed animal for our new little one. I still squee when I see them. 

4. Beagles!  We are blessed to have one of our own now, but I spent years squeeeing over beagles and I will spend a 100 more. There is absolutly nothing more squee worthy than a beagle puppy.  Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!  Sorry, I just had to! Long, soft ears, wet noses.  Oh how I love beagles! Russ and I have wanted one forever.  We were going to buy a puppy and name him Dodger.  He was going to ride in the back of the Subaru with our 2 kids. We all know how that turned out. We finally were able to add a beagle to the family last summer.  A young girl had just gone through a break up and wanted to re-home her beagle because she was never home. I found the craigslist add and quickly replied.   Only problem was that she was located in Bellevue, Wa. I introduced our family and waited for a reply.  We were chosen!  She even agreed to meet us in Chealis, about halfway for both of us.  She gave us Maya for absolutely free, along with her 2 cages, bowls, leash, food, toys and brush.  It was destiny! Her name was also fitting, since we were going to name any girl we might have had after Aurora, Amaya.  She also has a September birthday , so she fit right into our birthday pattern.  We now have June, July, August and September. :) We have thrown around the idea of getting another one, but it just doesn't feel like the right timing. Quite possibly 2 beagles might give me a squeeeeee attack!

5. Keanu Reeves.  My husband knows me all too well.  Point Break, Speed, Bill and Ted.  Ironically I have never seen the Matrix movies. I must get on that. Squeeeeeeeeeeeeee!  I was in love with Keanu and wanted to name my kids after him, when I was in middle school. Thank goodness that changed as I got older. My dad took me to see Speed at the theater, it was also my first time at a Red Robin, which didn't make the list, but I have been known to squeeee over it. I asked for a G-Shock illuminater, which is a watch as big as my head, for Christmas that year because Keanu used one in Speed. I proudly wore that thing for an entire year and would tell people that it was the same watch Keanu wore. That thing was huge!  I probably looked like a big dork, but no one said anything because I think deep down everyone was jealous of it! I love the movie Point Break and don't watch it nearly enough. Keanu kind of faded from hollywood and was upset to find out that he was dealing with multiple tragedies in his life.  He lost a baby, a fiance, best friend. He is one of those guys that I just want to hug and tell him that its OK.

The watch looks nice on him.  Not so much on a 12 year old girl.

6. Paul Walker.  I don't really need to explain myself here.  Just look at the picture and squeeeeeeeeee with me.

7.  Last, but certainly not least, my man.  My husband was exactly right, he does make me squeeee. Multiple times a day. ;)  15 years later and I still get giddy over my husband. Certain clothes, hat or way he walks, makes me just melt.  Lets just say that there is a pair of wranglers that he wears that make me have heart palpitations. Sadly, I don't have a picture of that, but even if I did, I would not share.  I am one lucky lady.

 

Well there you go, the 7 things that make me go squeeee.  I am all squeed out right now.  I think my brain might explode!  I would love to hear yours!  

FESS UP!

Someone close to me is pregnant and instead of doing some stupid reveal or making some stupid announcement, just fess up!  I don't like surprises and I hate those stupid announcements.  I think you can tell by my tone that it is definitely not me who is pregnant.  Hint, hint. ;)  You are probably asking how do you know someone is pregnant?  Well the universe is giving me every sign imaginable. I have been having my patented pregnancy dreams, that 95% of the time result in someone close to me being pregnant.  I have been hearing Creed's song,With Arms Wide Open, which is about becoming a new Daddy and always reminds me of Landon's pregnancy.  I have also been pulling out the Baby Ruth bars randomly out of the Halloween candy, considering there were like 3 of them compared to over 200 pieces of candy, it is quite remarkable. 
I have done my rounds of accusing people and have come up empty, so either someone is lying to me, they don't know they are pregnant yet, or they aren't really pregnant.  That really narrows the field. :)  I do know for certain it is not me, so don't even try.
So congrats, I guess.  If you don't tell me now, I won't be happy when you announce it.  So there! 

Unsettled

Awhile back I shared the dreams I have had.  The first was my sister visiting me, and ever since then I have struggled with wondering if it was my imagination or the real deal.  About a year ago I was visited by Russ' grandma. Fast forward a year later after what I saw in my dream pretty much happened, I am convinced with 100% certainty that I have a gift.  The problem is, I am not certain what exactly she wanted me to do.  I feel like my mission is incomplete.  I suppose she could have been showing me future events that only she would know, in order to give me confidence in my gift?  Or to help Russ process what was going on at the time?  I wasn't extremely close to her, so there wasn't anything specific to me.  She visited me again, a few months after the first one, but that was more clear and had a calming, peaceful affect.
This dream still has me scratching my head and driving me a little bit crazy.  Russ and I went to visit her grave for the first time over the summer.  We took the boys and stopped at my Grandmother's first.  We then proceed to try to find the other gravestone.  We had a general area and a number, but it still takes time to find gravestones at this cemetery. Russ hollers that he found it and I come walking up, as soon as I laid eyes on it, the sprinklers come on and scare the bejewels out of us and soak us.  Well, if you know Russ you know he is like a cat, he hates to get wet, but it was pretty hot, so we laughed.  But then we started to wonder if it was a sign?  So that is still in the back of my head.  Earlier this week Landon was playing with the fridge magnets and I was washing dishes.  The dream flashed into my mind and I started thinking about it.  Landon then taps me from behind and hands me a picture that fell off the fridge.  It was a picture of Russ' Grandma!  So I feel there is a message lost somewhere in this dream.
 I also had one of these dreams a few months back.  Russ' Grandma wasn't there, but there were baby owls, which is something she liked.  It also had pretty negative emotions associated with it and in the dream I was outside looking at the baby owls in our backyard and as I was doing that, a wolf walked right through our patio door into the house where my children were at.  I panicked and ran inside, but woke up because the emotions were getting too heavy. I felt like at the time that this dream signified to be super careful on who we let get close to our family.  To stay guarded.
I may never know, or I may know and not know it. If anything, it has only solidified the fact that the dream was indeed a special one.  Sometimes I wish I could grab people's heads and download the dream into their brain, so they can see what I saw.  The emotions of this dream were unnerving and unsettling, that is why it is still bugging me a year later.

Earth Shattering News

If the news thinks who won the World Series is breaking, or Obama talking at a campaign event, then this news can only be described as earth shattering. Paul Reubens announced that a new Pee Wee freaking Herman movie will start filming in February!  How awesome is that!?  Russ and I both grew up watching Pee Wee. He was the Big Adventure lover and I was more of the Big Top Pee Wee lover, but our mutual love for Pee Wee, in a way lead us to some wonderfully funny conversations and true love. Paul was in the movie Mystery Men, which was one of his first movies since his theater incident.  It was a no brainer and quite the coincidence that when we met, that movie came out. I still don't remember much about that movie, I spent the whole time waiting to see if Russ would hold my hand.  It was just like the movies, the casual hand movements, the nervous shifting in the seats.  It took him a good long time, but he totally grabbed my hand that night and my heart and hasn't let go ever since.  We also shared our first kiss in the theater parking lot that night.  It was awkward, exciting and just plain wonderful.  I still get butterflies thinking about that night.
Everyone has their love story, ours just happens to include Paul Reubens.  It also includes, David Lee Roth, Bad Company, Chris Kattan, Russ' neighbor's trampoline, the song "High Enough"by the Damn Yankees, Joey McIntyre and Blair Witch.   Anytime I see or hear of those things, my heart smiles and I start to giggle as I remember the love that was built during that Summer of '99.
I am patiently waiting to call Russ at work on his break, so I can break this news to him. This is news that can't wait until his lunch break or when he gets home!